Sunday, December 14, 2008

Cyberstalking and dating

I've pretty much cyberstalked everyone I've dated at some point. Why? Its fun... its not like real stalking where you can arrested...it seems like harmless fun. Or is it? I've broken up with two guys because I've caught them logging onto "date sites" while we were dating. I took this to mean they just weren't into me. Is this the right thing to do?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

third date down... fuck this shit

I decided to get the third one out of the way. The date itself actually went well... interesting guy etc... we got along well. So then two weeks later he goes MIA. I only text messaged him once to see what was up. Then I decided to send him one message on the site and he deleted his profile like one hour after I sent the message. Apparently I'm a psycho stalker who needs to get blocked or causes people to completely delete their profiles. Wtf?? I think with the first on,(who I had no intention of contacting) I'm thinking he is the love and leave them type. I'm trying to figure out the second one but why would you delete a profile as opposed to blocking someone. Maybe I drove him to say "Fuck this shit! I'm done with internet dating".
Its the messages I get on their on a daily basis that I find amusing. Or reading peoples profiles and the forums where people relate their experiences. They are so funny. One lady said that she didn't want to sleep with a guy because she had genital herpes. She didn't tell him why and then they rented a hotel room so they could get drunk and she wakes up next to two empty condom packages. Wow.... didn't see that one coming. Alcohol... hotel room... I'm thinking that isn't something you do if you don't want to get laid. Meet in a public place where there is no alcohol present.
I had a Nigerian looking fellow message me repeatedly. His profile said he almost made it to the NHL and was a doctor. He put his description as Caucasian with black hair. He is as white as Barack Obama.
And then there is the guys who want girls who are built for speed and then say they want a long term relationship. That cracked me up for a good half an hour. Long term as in as long as you don't get fat and I still enjoy fucking you.
I hate the 38 year old men that say they are undecided about children. If you don't know by that age there is no hope for you buddy. That is either a sign you are indecisive or immature.
Anyway just for fun... I suggest you go troll the site plentyoffish just to read some of the ridiculous stories and profiles... for fun. I get a good laugh out of it now and again.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I should know better... but I don't

I should know by now that trying to find a date on the internet is bad... very bad. But for some reason I thought that I hadn't given it a fair shot. One really bad date isn't enough... I haven't proven that there is no hope with online dating yet. My second shot wasn't bad as far as the meeting went... at least I thought. But it must have been horrible because he blocked me on Face book right after... I didn't think it was bad enough to warrant a "block". I didn't come across as some psycho stalker who was going to message him repeatedly if he didn't call me again... I do think he was just looking for a random hookup - bad pick on my part. Had all the signs of wanting that when I talked to him... I ignored my gut and thought I would give it a chance. However in a year I will probably give it another chance because it two bad dates won't be enough... lets go for three!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

inspiration

I've been without a computer or internet connection ever since my last post. The whole time I kept coming up with great ideas to rant about for blog posts and now that I have the computer and internet connection I have nothing. Other then this rant that I have nothing... I can't remember all the great things I wanted to write about. Or maybe its just that in the moment those topics mattered to me and now with a couple of months of perspective they mean nothing to me anymore. Like the guy from my third last post ... he doesn't mean anything to me anymore... not even in memory. I draw a blank as to exactly why I was so upset about it... now its funny that I even had feelings for him. I forgot about him until I reread the post. I guess if I had wrote some of this stuff down.... I might remember.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

How to count to five.

I had to teach a customer how to count to five today. Seriously. They had two orders and the first one had 4 drinks and the second had one. I handed them one carrying tray that had five drinks on it and their food. I go on to the next order and they are still sitting at the window. They tell me I owe them another drink. I asked them how many combos they ordered. They said five. I said there are five drinks on that tray. They look at me funny like they don't comprehend what I am saying to them. I ask for the tray and count them out for them. They are STILL confused. I repeat it again.... and point at the drink and say one, two, three, four, five drinks.... you have five drinks. Again they don't get it. I repeated it again once more and still.... blank expression. They finally left and you could tell they thought I was lying to them and they DIDN'T have five drinks on the f*cking tray. This person was not f*cking with me - he genuinely looked confused.

I didn't ask to be the boss.

I hate my job. I am the boss now and I hate it. No wonder my last two General Managers quit. My job makes me want to kill myself on a daily basis. I also did not get the choice of opting out of being the boss. When you are second in command and the first boss quits.... guess what - YOU'RE IT! I am thankfully getting a replacement but not soon enough for my liking. 41 days and counting. Until then I get to wake up every Monday morning at 4 a.m. to do weekly inventory. 41 days of explaining to the big boss why my inventory counts suck. Also getting to hear from him why a 7% increase in sales isn't good enough. 41 days where I might just try to fire every idiot in the store... but then there would be no one left... well... a few left... I work in an store where one person goes around saying "I used to be a school teacher and I always wondered where all the idiots who fooled around and hid at the back of the class ended up." Well why don't you go look in the mirror dumb ass. Apparently there are ranks within the ranking of below average intelligence so they can feel superior over the "stupidest" person. Well I didn't walk into traffic today like Bob over there - so I am smarter - I just hit myself with a cupboard door.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

These things happen

Why is it that I only have life altering moments or come to certain realizations when I'm drunk? I'm thinking that it is a problem when my therapist is a two six of vodka. It certainly helped me get over the guy I've fooled myself into believing I was in love with and realized,when I was completely drunk, that there is no possible way he will ever feel the same way about me. I also realized I can't pretend to be something I am not to get what I want. I've never acted like myself around him... or people in general. People tend to think I'm weird. I ended up smoking on a doorstep with some random stranger I did not know but he ended up being something like a mirror to me. He had the same type of childhood I did which is a rarity in itself. Seriously how many ex- Jehovah's witnesses who grew up with crazy parents and as white trailer trash are running around Alberta... even Canada? Other than my sisters he is the first. It was group drunken therapy... but it worked. It's not worth it to be fake... it takes too much energy and too much therapy. Especially when you realize there is nothing you can possibly do to get what you want. I just need to give it up and let go of everything that makes me unhappy and I won't need that therapy anymore. Or an intervention for alcohol abuse.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Having fun at first aid

Ever taken a course and ended up being one of those people? We had an uneven number of people to do the abdominal thrusts (or the Heimlich maneuver) so myself and the two girls I was with did a threesome for it. The instructor and everyone laughed and she said it was the best threesome she had ever seen. We held the pose for a few minutes after that even.
When we went to do baby cpr there was no plastic face shield over the plastic babies mouth. We were in the front row and we all look at each other like - do they actually expect us to put our mouths on this thing? So we were faking the breathing into the doll and the instructor is looking at us like we are sooo weird. You could tell she wanted to say something to us. My friend grabbed a napkin and placed it over the dolls mouth and was trying to breath through it. I don't know if this doll has been washed! When the instructor went to the side I said I hope they wash these things between uses because whoever gets it next is going to get my sickness. I didn't whisper so she probably heard me.
The second day there was an even amount of people and of course I got stuck with the creepy unwashed guy. The kind you know hasn't been laid recently and probably still lives at his mothers house. Some one who knew him even said that he was that guy after we left. Part of the procedure when you find a casualty (you aren't supposed to call them a victim anymore - new first aid procedures) is to do a deadly bleeds check - the instructor wouldn't let me fake it either. I think I gave him the best feel up he's gotten for awhile. Of course I had to say this isn't awkward or anything.... are you ticklish? Yeah - I went there. And the classic oh am I being to rough with you as I tied him up really extra tight with bandages around his thighs which is dangerously close to his crotch and I'm leaning over towards it... and that was on purpose - my being extra rough. Of course he's like no... do whatever you want. That's when I knew he was liking it a little too much and I should shut my mouth occasionally. And of course I had to wear that shirt that looks matronly when you wear it but when you bend over something .... hello cleavage. And I have cleavage ... G sized cleavage.

Sorry Old post again

I actually accomplished one of my New Years resolutions.

I actually made a New Year's resolution and got it out of the way in record time. I am amazed. I said I would get a date and I did - within 11 days of the New Year. It didn't go well of course - the guy was crazy - or if not crazy very bitter at the world and in need of some major healing. For our one and only date he wanted to drive around and look at houses. He told me he was looking for an acreage or something over $500,000. What a fucking turn off. If I wanted a sugar daddy I would already have on o.k.? Then he told me about all the toys he had bought himself. Quads, boats, horses etc... He also told me he was moving to my area so he could get away from his ex wife. Uh oh.... that isn't promising at all. He went on and on about he was tired of being screwed and burnt and should just stop trusting people. I'm sorry do I look like the kind of person who wants to deal with that shit? I have enough of my own problems thank you very much. He then said none of his girlfriends worked... he wanted them to take care of all his personal business and when they whined it was too much work he put them on a wage and they became unemployed. Wonder why nothing has worked out.... Then he said he that girls didn't understand he had to work a lot and never be around so in other words he doesn't want some one needy or someone who needs attention. So why do I want you again? Oh right - obviously he is looking to be an absent sugar daddy.
At the end he told me that he figured me out and I was looking for a friend with benefits. Someone who I could cuddle with but then live my own separate life with my other guy or girl friends. He didn't like the fact I had guy friends... whatever. He then said we had a lot in common and call me if I wanted. I laughed all the way home because he didn't like one single thing I did... reading, guitar hero, tennis, movies, music...etc and I could go on forever but I won't.

Lolcatz inspiration


This cat was not posed... my former roommates cat. He was the baby of the family!

Now this is love....



I think my blog is getting a little adult...they posed for these pictures knowing they would go on the internet.
Mind you they were a little..... or a lot drunk at the time.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Drunken stumbling into other people's beds


No... it wasn't me. The guy I referred to last time - my sister's ex husband was visiting again and of course they got drunk out of their minds again. He got up around 1:00 am and after going to the washroom stumbled into my bed with his pants around his legs. He head butted the side of the bed before he clung onto the edge of it. I was like what the fuck are you doing. He didn't respond to my yelling at him so I grabbed my pillow and headed to the couch. I was pissed at first because I got displaced out of my bed and was thinking of how to get him out of there. So I turned on the light and the t.v. No response from him so I'm like this guy is out of it. So I grabbed a marker and poked his head and face. Then I'm like I should draw on his head. I didn't draw anything vulgar - just a big smiley face and the word "Hi". My sister told me I should have drawn a penis. I went back to my couch and my sister got up and I was like look what found it's way into my room. She's like oh have fun with that. I'm like got a camera - she said no. I knew where her digital camera was so I grabbed it and photographed him with his pants down passed out on my bed. Had an opportunity to do something really compromising and didn't go with it. All I did was throw him a bag of frozen vegetables to cuddle with. I wanted to embarrass him so I decided it would be best to wait until he was sober to do that. I woke up at 7 a.m. and went on my computer in my room too wait for him to wake up and he woke up within a few minutes and started going "where am I? How did I get in here?" I started laughing and told him he drunken stumbled in here. His pants were still partially down. He then freaked out for the next half hour because he was embarrassed so badly and I kept laughing at him. He kept saying over and over again what the hell was he thinking and why would he do that of all things. I told him he was lucky he didn't crawl in with my sister and her boyfriend because they both sleep naked. He's like I'm so glad you are amused (sarcastic tone of course). Then my sister comes out and laughs at him too and yeah... it was his birthday too so I think he will remember this for a long time. 2 years from now I'll just say remember your 32 birthday and I have no doubt he will because apparently it's a first for him. I told him he could of done worse - he could have gotten completely naked, or had to buy me new sheets or tell me ooohhh.... that was your teddy bear I defiled?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Am I the only one who gets all the creeps?

So I had the most disturbing thing happen to me ever! My sister's ex-husband was visiting my other sisters boyfriend and decided that he would pursue me. I seriously hope that I am not being over reactive in that I think that is horrifyingly disgusting. I mean the rules say you aren't supposed to date a friends ex boyfriend but a sisters ex husband - I would think that is way off limits and my sister would have the right to shoot me on sight. She hates the man and doesn't talk to him do you really think she would talk to me if I shacked up with him? The mere though of it makes me want to throw up. He wasn't even subtle about it. He asked me out and then got my sisters boyfriend in on the game and they discussed in depth the fact that I should go out with him. Oh so horrible. He asked me multiple times and I basically let him know that I may be single but I know how to pleasure myself and if I really wanted a boy toy there are a few I could call up for a lay. He asked me if I was really happy single - he couldn't believe it because he isn't happy. I assured him I was very happy and not going to fall in the arms of someone just because they were convenient especially not ex husbands. Fuck that. I told my sister Sandy (his ex wife) about it and she said well he always did brag that he could get anyone of us he wanted. He had apparently said this to her current boyfriend - lol. She then thanked me for "schooling" him on that fact.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Weird Dream

I had the weirdest dream that I was helping a friend to sell his house. I was with a real estate agent and went in to his house. I then opened the door to his room and woke him up. I said time to wake up. He said what the hell are you doing here? You shouldn't be here! Are you stalking me? I replied that someone was here to see his house because I was just helping him to sell it. I then left the room and the real estate agent started apologizing saying that she thought I had had permission to let her in. He then started freaking out that he had another stalker and couldn't go through that again and was going to get a restraining order on me. Then I left because I was embarrassed that I was being accused of being a stalker when I wasn't. My mom was standing outside the door waiting for me. Then I remembered I had left something inside but had to ask the real estate agent to get it for me because she was standing at the door and she didn't want to let me in. I then drove off and woke up thinking that the dream left me feeling all creepy and well... like an accused stalker. If dreams are a sign I think this sign points to never contacting this friend again. Or maybe my subconscious is telling me I feel like a stalker because I'm the one trying to pursue the friendship when he isn't making an effort. Maybe that's a sign I should just give it up.

Friday, March 28, 2008

100 Things Before You Die

Ever have to do that assignment 100 things you want to do before you die? It's fine for the first 25 and then you just start repeating and making up shit. Like travel... name 25 individual countries you want to visit and there is a quarter of your list. Really I think that list should be really exciting things and not mundane every day activities like well... reading books and stuff. Unless you are going to read 100 books in a year or something like that.  Anyway I don't have an exciting list so I really don't want to write it but hey here it goes.
1. Learn to play guitar.
2. Beat expert level on guitar hero.
3. Travel to Mexico.
4. Travel to Australia.
5. Have a baby.
6. Get a university degree.
7. Buy a house.
8. Own a business.
9. Learn how to change my own oil, tires and charge a battery.
10. Learn to enjoy a clean house.
11. Get a tattoo that I will enjoy for the rest of my life.
12. Do my own taxes. I learned how to do my own taxes in college but I have never done them without the help and support of H & R Block. Never.
13. Learn to forgive people. Once I hate you... I hate you for life.
14. Own something white without destroying it in the first week.
15. Ask a guy out.
16. Dye my hair pink.
17. Stop avoiding loving people just because I might get hurt.
18. Accept my body which includes a flat butt and very large boobs.
19. Be Delicious.... that's my perfume but I thinks its a great concept.
20. Become a volunteer of some sort.
21. Start going to church of some kind.
22. Read War and Peace
23. Eat fish eggs - I mean caviar.
24. Fall in love.... not lust.
25. Get over my fear of spiders.
I wrote my original list 7 years ago in college and only 2 of these things appear on it. Travel to Mexico and travel to Australia. I guess we grow and learn and change and do some of the things that appeared on the list 7 years ago. I didn't really do any of the stuff but my ambitions have changed.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Great Green Grasshopper

I was feeling kind of low today
So all my thoughts turned to you and the Great Green Grasshopper
Do you remember when we met
It was a cloudy July day
We talked about cars and books
We went down to the river and found the Great Green Grasshopper
He told us what he knew about life and various things
Never burn plastic - the smell makes you nauseous
Always apologize when you make mistakes
Tell people you love them
After awhile we left
You said you wold phone sometime
So whenever I think of you and where you got to I just go see the Great Green Grasshopper
and think of that day long ago when I realized I would be alright without you

The mind of a stalker

What would I do... for you, to get close to you
I would hang around when I'm not wanted
It's alright because I love you
I would eavesdrop to hear what you say
It's alright because I love you
I would plan my schedule just to see you
I would hang out places where you would be
Just to see your face
It's alright because I love you
I would take up your hobbies - watch the same shows just to have common ground
You love green? So do I... now anyways
It doesn't make me look that hot - blue is really my thing
But it's alright because I love you
I would hang around even after you got a girl
Hoping You will see what a tramp she is
Tell you she's not good enough
Hope you realize soon what a wonderful person I am
I confess I love you
You don't feel the same
It's alright because I love you
The only place I can have you is through death
It's alright because I love you

Friday, February 29, 2008

untitled

Naked Before You

I have nothing to hide behind - I am naked before you
You now know me in the deepest way possible
You know everything - this is not what I wanted
I did not want to share this much with you - to give so much of myself
I did not want to love you so deeply - to feel so much
I tried so hard to hide my very being from you
I showed you what I was not
You tore way at my facade until there was nothing left
I wanted to hide from you all my deepest feelings, my secrets, my desires,
my wishes, my fears and my heart
You made me give it all away
I cannot hide anymore
I feel so vulnerable because now you can see just how to hurt me

old blogs from my space

Stupid People

Stupid people drive me crazy. I'm not the smartest person in the world by any means but some people are just plain dumb.

I work in the fast food industry (hence forth the not so bright part) and I absolutely hate and love stupid people who come through drive through.

My all time favourite stupid people are those who order their food...pay for it and drive off with out it. I go to hand out the bag and they are whizzing on by without a thought in their pretty little heads. Some how in the 10 feet from the payment window to the pick up window they have forgotten where they are and what exactly they are doing in a fast food drive thru. They usually come back inside to the till red faced and say I was just through drive thru - and before they get another word in - being the extreme professional that I am I say don't worry we've been waiting for you and give them their food. Then they come up with some excuse like it's been a long hard day. I usually just smile and say nothing else because they know I've already made fun of them and will continue to do so after they are gone.

I hate people who don't know how to order. I usually screw them over if they are really stupid. Most people should know what a meal or a combo is right? You get a burger, fry and drink. If you don't know it's explained on the menu board. Fast food prices are always set up so a combo is cheaper then ordering all the items separately. People will come through and order a burger. I ask them if it's a combo. They say no and then proceed to order a fry and a drink. If it's not to late to change it I will...if it is to late they pay anywhere from one to two dollars extra for ordering everything separately per combo because we have limits on how much we can delete and change on our tills before higher management gets upset (they keep track of that stuff). I've had people order up to six combos seperately and because they have already insisted they don't want or need a combo I've cheated them out of like ten dollars all for their stupidity. I've had people literally insist that I can't give them a combo when they've obviously ordered one and it's cheaper. They say "no I know what a combo is and I don't want one". Is there a conspiracy theory about getting combos? You don't want me to give you the better price???? I've even tried punching in the combo to give them the better price and they say to take it off because they don't want the combo. Hello! earth to stupid one!!! And don't dare try to tell them they've ordered a combo because then you are just pissing them off.

I hate people who don't know what they want to drink. I ask "what would you like to drink?" Long pause... I ask "a coke?" They go "ummm...no.." long pause. "Okay I'll take a coke?" Is it really that hard to decide? Or even better are the people who have to think really long and hard about whether they want ketchup or not? Either you like it or you don't.

I hate people who try to order through a small crack in their window when it's cold. Seriously your voice does not carry through that small crack unless you yell really loud.

I hate passengers who try to order. There should be a class about how to order in drive thru. Remember you are speaking into a microphone and last time I checked microphones only pick up when you speak at it and not the voice of someone five feet away. I also love the people who lean over the driver to order. Is it really that hard to give your order to the driver and have them speak???? sorry I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

I hate people who have to read the entire menu board for five minutes before they order. Can't you see the line up behind you?? If you don't know what you want come inside please. I then get a whole bunch of customers inside who wanted to go through drive thru who are bitching about the lady (this could be a man as well) who is still reading the menu board.

I could go on about this forever but I won't anymore at least for today.

Did you realize?

Did you realize

When I told you that I love you and would forever that I would always be with you no matter what happened did you realize that every word I said was a lie?
We could not be together because of how I am and what you are?
Did you realize that I could never live with a person like you?
Why did you believe when I told you forever?
Why did you hang on when there was no hope?
Did you think a few precious moments were better than nothing at all?
Why did you stay when you realized that you wold have your heart trampled on?
That I would break you?
Was it worth it?

Dream worlds

Dream Worlds

Time to run away again - leave everything behind
All the hurt and hate
I slide into worlds that I can make my own
Worlds that I control - the rules are all mine
I always get what I want
My teeth aren't so crooked
If something doesn't go quite right I can replay it until it does

Maybe I should wake up
Do something real
But it feels too good

Last night I became famous
That was just a dream - or was it?
I don't know what's real anymore
I don't know how to get back
Or maybe I don't want to come back

Soul mates?

There are many people who believe that there is only one true love for them, their soul mate, with whom they are destined to be with. They keep looking for that perfect person - the idea they have in their head of how their person should look and behave. I believe that many people have the potential to be you soul mate or as I would prefer to call them a life mate. I think that by being to specific in your demands of a mate sets you up for failure. Maybe you are just making excuses for why you are alone. You say to yourself I'm alone because I haven't found that handsome guy with blond hair, perfect teeth and abs of steel. I won't settle for anything less then that image of a perfect mate I have in my head. Any little short coming is good enough reason to not date some one. I can't date so and so because he doesn't have blond, black , or red hair or I can't date him because he isn't a Liberal or he is too skinny or too fat. When you end up old and alone don't blame anyone but yourself because you are the one who passed up all the opportunities you had because they weren't the person you had imagined you would be with. It's all right to be less than perfect and to be with someone who is less than perfect.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Weird Dreams.

I have a lot of weird dreams and sometimes I've had dreams that come true. This dream was just strange. I dreamed that I was at a small intimate concert for Celine Dion. It was a small bar that had nice decor - more like a coffee house then a bar actually. There was baskets with a complimentary Celine Dion compact discs on each table. She came onto a small stage that was in front of a small video screen that had her image on it and started singing. Her image on the screen was also singing. One of my co-workers was sitting beside me and for some reason she found the whole thing hilarious and couldn't stop laughing hysterically. Celine stopped the show and asked her what was so funny and then got so insulted that she left the stage because that just made my friend laugh even harder. Then a riot started - people started beating the crap out of each other and starting things on fire. For some reason at this point I realized that I was wearing nothing but a towel. A very large towel. All of a sudden I was standing with two of my sisters and we ran out of there. Then I said I had to find my bag that had my clothes in it as I had nothing on but my towel. I went searching for my bag and I leave the room and the I find myself in a place that resembles a crowded school hallway except they are all adults so it was probably a college and go into a guys locker room. I keep booting it through the locker room and encounter a shower room. For some reason all the showers are going and are very large showers so that they cover the whole room. I run through and come out the other end with a very wet soggy towel. I'm still looking for my bag and just when I find it .... I wake up and wonder why there would be a riot at a small Celine Dion concert. Also why I had a towel instead of being out right naked.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Finding God.

I was raised as a strict Christian - even in what some of you might call a cult. Since I have left this religion I am confused as to how I should worship God. Is it enough to just believe in God and Christ and claim to be a Christian or should I be doing something else... as one scripture says faith without works is dead. I feel the need to go to a church but I don't know where I should go. Non denominational? Catholic? Anglican? What should I do? I love God and Jesus but don't know how to include this in my life.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Random Thoughts

This is a blog for me to rant about things that piss me off or things that amuse me or confuse me. Every once in a while I get this urge to write - write whatever about whatever. I guess this is the perfect place for me. I can write to me and share it with the whole world at the same time and be safe behind my computer screen. Plus I always lose my notebooks. I can't lose a website.